Lost and Confused

So first of all, so much for the old wives tale about the full moon! It didn't do anything for me!

Second for the title of this blog, I was talking to my co-workers and they were saying how much they don't like the new receptionist.. Which I don't like her either, she's too slow and there's a lot of things that irk everyone about her. Well Anyway this morning she told me that she's been offered another job that will pay her 14 dollars an hour which will give her 700 dollars more a month.. So I was telling my other co-workers this and they asked me if I got a raise to TEN dollars an hour, would I stay? Well.. I don't know. There are a TON of pros and cons to both jobs! Excuse me while I list them.. This decision is also going to have to be dealt with through prayer and pondering.. But I also need to write it to think about it..

Pros for Staying at TriTel:
- They are very flexible with schedules and last minute things
- I know how to do this job and I do it well
- Its an easy sit down at a desk job
- I know I like the people I work with (except the new receptionist..)
- Guarenteed weekends off
- Relaxed atmosphere

Cons for Staying:
- Filing (I hate it.. hehe)
- The chance of making all those Cold Marketing Calls
- Not being with Cayden ALL day long
- More hours in a week to work to get money
- Would still have to do deliveries

Pros for Costco:
- Get to spend every day with Cayden
- Less hours but more money
- Active work - possibility of lossing weight faster.. (it is a plus.. hehe)
- Guarenteed pay raises every some odd hours (first raise of 25 cents after 400 hours..)

Cons for Costco:
- Working nights
- Harder work
- New job thing - learning new and unfamiliar tasks
- Have to get to know everyone and learn to get along with people
- Not as flexible with sudden schedule changes as TriTel
- Possibility of working weekends, most likely working weekend nights

I think when it comes down to it, the most important element of it all is Cayden.. And I think I'll just have to suck it up, and get a NEW job (which I hate the whole new job experience of interview and training and finding new job friends..) But For my son to have ME and not a babysitter with him every day... That'd be nice.. I want to raise my son!! I want to be there for his first smile, laugh, word, crawl, tummy roll, step! I want to witness all his firsts and not someone else!! I want to work with him on his tummy, crawl, eating, talking.. I know that is kind of selfish, but its not to me! I want to raise him.. no one else! I want to get him into a routine and a way of life and a way of eating and sleeping.. I just want to be with my son 24/7! He hasn't even come yet and I'm freaking out! haha.. But I feel like I need to know before I go on maternity leave if I'm coming back or not..

But the only way I would come back is if I got a raise to 10 dollars an hour! This is so heartbreaking and frustrating to me!

I'd rather work hard for 5 hours even though I will be exhausted from taking care of Cayden.. But my body will get used to working hard and being sleep-deprived.. Isn't that right Sarah?
I just want to do whats right for my son and my family..

Tonight's going to be full of reading and pondering and praying.. I need to know whats right and what the Lord wants me to do! Which I know in my heart that for Cayden I should work at Costco and spend my days with him. I just want to know for sure from my Heavenly Father which path I should take.. Man this is hard..

Well I am at work so I should probably do some work.. More to come on this subject..